Can I be real honest for a minute?

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately—looking back over my life, especially the last year. Spiritually, I've progressed in ways that I never even imagined. I've become more aware, more grounded, more attuned to God's voice. But alongside all that, life itself has not really changed.

Same battles. Same place. Same desires, just out of reach.

And that made me ask myself:

Why does it feel like I'm growing on the inside but becoming stagnant on the outside?

After sitting with that question, the uncomfortable answer surfaced:

Envy.

What Is Envy?

Envy isn't just wanting what someone has. It's the gnawing feeling that your portion isn't enough. That somehow, you've been overlooked or forgotten.

Psychologists define envy as a complex emotion characterized by feelings of inferiority, hostility, and resentment produced by awareness of another's possessions, success, or qualities. Research from social psychologists like Richard Smith and Sung Hee Kim suggests that envy emerges when we perceive a threat to our self-image or social standing.

And if I'm being honest, wherever I turn—I see it.

People succeeding in fields I dream about.
Skills that just naturally happen to other individuals.
The wealthy and the impoverished.
The jackpot winner who came in swinging. The successful investor.
The "I wish" scroll dictates: "I wish I had their relationship… their self-assurance… their way of living."

It's sly. It's devious. It disguises itself as ambition but struts along behind bitterness.

Envy isn't always thunderous—but it's always burdensome

The Bible's blunt:

"A quiet heart gives life to the body, but envy causes the bones to rot."

— Proverbs 14:30

And believe me, envy doesn't announce itself. Envy will not scream in your face, but it gobbles at your peace.

It tires you out even if you've not done anything.

It blinds your eyes so you can't look at the blessings in front of you.

Modern research confirms this ancient wisdom. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that envious individuals reported greater levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. Researchers at the University of California discovered that envy activates the same brain regions associated with physical pain.

Two Faces of Envy

All envy is not the same. Psychologists distinguish between the two most common types:

1. Benign Envy – "I want to grow like that."

This kind of envy motivates you. It improves you—not to bring others down but to grow better. Dutch researcher Niels van de Ven found that when properly channeled, benign envy can enhance performance and motivation.

2. Malicious Envy – "I want to see them fall."

This kind is toxic. It quietly rejoices at others' falls. It fills your soul with bitterness and poisons your mission. Studies show that malicious envy correlates with decreased well-being and increased antisocial behaviors.

So ask yourself—and this is not to shame but to wake you up:

Which type of envy lives inside you?

I've been swaying towards the good side myself. I make a conscious effort to learn, to get better, to become slightly better day by day. But even that's a danger. For when I worry too much about leveling up, I get blinded from what is in front of me causing me to forget what’s important

The Science Behind Envy's Impact

Neuroscientists have discovered that envy activates the anterior cingulate cortex—the same brain region involved in physical pain processing. This explains why envy literally hurts. A 2021 study in the journal Emotion found that prolonged envy reduces immune function and increases inflammation markers in the body.

Social media has made matters worse. A 2019 meta-analysis examining 88 studies found that passive social media use—scrolling through others' carefully curated lives—significantly increases envy and decreases life satisfaction. What researchers call "social comparison theory" explains how we constantly evaluate ourselves against others, often to our detriment.

The Antidote: Generosity and Patience

When envy whispers, "Take,"

Generosity whispers, "Give."

When envy whispers, "Rush,"

Patience says, "Wait on the Lord."

Generosity is the antidote to envy. It's choosing to teach others instead of competing with them. It's being glad for someone else's win—even if you're still waiting for yours.

And patience? That's faith in action. Trusting that what's yours will come, without cutting corners or compromising your character.

Research from positive psychology supports this. Studies show that practicing gratitude and engaging in acts of generosity release dopamine and oxytocin—neurotransmitters that promote feelings of contentment and connection. In essence, giving counteracts the neurological patterns that envy creates.

Could Envy Be Why There's "No Rest for the Wicked"?

That phrase—"no rest for the wicked"—is more than a truism. It's Isaiah 57:20–21:

"But the wicked are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest, whose waves cast up mire and mud. 'There is no peace,' says my God, 'for the wicked.'"

And this is where it gets honest: envy is part of that cycle of harm.

Envy stirs your heart like a storm. It tosses you around in questions, comparisons, and yearnings. You never sleep because you're always chasing—what someone else has, what you think is yours, what you fear you don't have.

You're exhausted, not from doing, but from yearning for things that don't belong to you.

It all comes together now—the bad guys can't sleep because envy won't let them.

But here's the deal:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

— Matthew 11:28

Jesus gives you rest, not just your body, but your envy-soiled soul.

You don't need to chase what God has already planned for you.

You don't need to compare in order to be valuable.

You don't need to envy when you trust the One writing your story.

How to Grow Stronger From Envy

Name it.

Say the word. Call it out. Please don't leave it in the dark. Psychologists call this "emotional labeling," and research shows that naming emotions reduces their intensity by activating the prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate emotional responses.

Realign your vision.

Celebrate others and don't question your worth. Their win isn't your loss. In psychology, this mindset shift is called adopting an "abundance mentality" rather than a "scarcity mentality."

Work on gratitude.

Count what you have in your hands before coveting what is in someone's hands. A 2019 study in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that practicing gratitude three times a week for six weeks significantly reduced envy and increased life satisfaction.

Ask more empowering questions.

Instead of "Why not me?" ask, "What are You instructing me in this season, God?" This cognitive reframing technique has been shown to reduce rumination and increase resilience.

Practice mindfulness.

Research from the University of Kentucky found that mindfulness meditation reduces social comparison and envy by helping practitioners focus on their own journey rather than others'. Just 10 minutes daily can make a significant difference.

Final Thoughts

Don't run from envy if it's something you're struggling with. Learn from it.

Because even envy, if surrendered and confessed, can be a teacher.

It shows you where you still feel lacking—and gives you a chance to allow God to fill in those spaces.

You're not stuck because God forgot about you.

You're stuck because He's still building something in you before He releases something around you.

Let that fact sink in.

The philosopher Kierkegaard called envy "the secret admiration that shame will not acknowledge." Perhaps by bringing it into the light—by acknowledging it without shame—we can transform envy from our silent burden into our unlikely teacher.

And maybe that's the greatest lesson: that even our darkest emotions, when surrendered to divine purpose, can become pathways to our deepest healing.

The Silent Weight of Envy